Single on Valentine’s Day…AGAIN.

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So it’s that time of year again, the Christmas buzz is over, the New Year hype has fizzled out and it’s on to the next money making holiday, Valentine’s Day.  Now don’t get it twisted I’m not one of those bitter, single women that hates this particular holiday because I just happen to be single (I know a shocker right, I so should’ve been snapped up by now lol), I actually love the idea of celebrating love, love more than anything else should be celebrated. However, I do despise the fact that couples spend stupid amounts of money to express their love on one day. (Dang my future Mr better pull out the stops for me everyday…just kidding.) Seriously though, I think love is something that should be celebrated all the time. When I do get into a relationship I really don’t want to be showered with gifts on one day and then question on all the other 364 days of the year whether my Mr actually gives a damn.  Yes, I get that Valentine’s Day is a day to focus on your love and that’s fine, beautiful and wonderful but don’t break the bank (like you did at Christmas) to express your love. What a waste to wait for one day, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed people.

If you’ve been following me for a while now you’ll have read the post I wrote last year around this same time, if you haven’t you can read it here.  Not much has really changed, except my age of course but I am still single and still very much a Christian.  In that post I shared how I deal with my singlehood at this stage in life, like I said nothing much has changed, what I’m doing is still working and helping me on this journey.  However, more of my friends have either recently just got engaged or are having their first or second baby.  I can now confirm that I am able to count on one hand how many close, non married girlfriends I have and it’s not five.  Because I said I would always be honest in my posts, I have to admit that it does bother me SOMETIMES, especially at this time of year.  It’s like man, I’m here again, sometimes I feel like the world is literally moving all around me and I am stuck in the same place, in this particular area of my life anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I am ecstatic for my friends; I love them and I have walked the singlehood journey with a few of them so my joy at their news is the same as if it were me.

In this post I just wanted to encourage my single sisters out there who hate this time of year, who get pangs of jealousy when flowers arrive at the office for their co-worker, who hate that they are staying in eating a microwave dinner (take this time to learn to cook) when the world is eating out at Marco Pierre Whites, or who are fed up of going to a bed IMG_4029alone. I want to say I understand.  That’s it. I feel your frustration and I can relate to your loneliness, but never forget your value and worth is not determined by whether you receive diamonds, flowers or chocolates on one day of the year. Those things don’t equate to how special you are, you are special because you are YOU!

If you never receive a rose in your life does that mean you aren’t loved? Of course not! Also within 24 to 48 hours the shops will start preparing for Easter, I can survive 48 hours of seeing my friend’s posts on Facebook and Instagram of the plethora of gifts they have received lol. However, if it really bothers you go and buy yourself something nice; why are you waiting on a guy to treat you like the queen and awesome woman that you are?  You deserve it, you’re worth it and most importantly you’re loved by you. Regardless as to whether you have a faith or not, you need to accept and love you first before anyone else can come and love you.  I saw this video after I finished writing this post, it is so good I had to share.  Guys, this is for you too :).

So, whatever you are doing this Valentine’s Day, let’s take the opportunity to simply spread love to the people around us. Whether you have a significant other or not there is always someone that needs to know they are loved, valued and special.

For me I know it’s only a matter of time but as I actively wait, I’m enjoying being showered with love by the best man that ever came into my life, Jesus. He exemplifies what true and unconditional love is so my love tank is always full, although a Mr would be nice to share that love tank with…just saying.

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Happy Valentine’s Day! xoxo

 

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32, Christian and Single

32, Christian and Single

Yep, this is me, this isn’t the core of who I am, but it’s a huge part that describes my current reality. Do I like this reality? Sometimes, but for the most part no, to be totally honest for the most part I hate my current status (except the Christian part of course).  However, it is my reality and one that I am learning to manage. Let’s get something clear from the get go, yes, I want to be married and no, I haven’t been intentionally looking… ‘Well how do you expect to find a husband then?’  I don’t expect to find anything. The Bible says ‘He that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favour from the Lord’…I am the prize; it is not my responsibility to search.  This doesn’t mean that I’m just chilling at home twiddling my thumbs, or that I’m not aware of who’s around me; I am very aware of my surroundings, I just refuse to act thirsty – that is not attractive.  I truly believe that if a man is interested in you he will do whatever it takes to make his intentions CLEAR and pursue. I might look 10 years younger than I am (Black don’t crack), but I am too old for games and at this point in my life I know exactly who I want to find me and no I will not be sharing that info in this blog 🙂

I hope that my journey helps you to make some positive decisions, take your focus off yourself and realise that as great as marriage is, it’s not the be all and end all of you.  I will not be giving any tips on what YOU should do, I will not patronise you or your capability to find out what works for you, but I will say be honest with yourself. I am not speaking on behalf of all Christian, single women; I can only share what has worked and is working for me.  I really don’t think you need another 10 step process on how to cope with being single; I am not an expert on this subject I am only an expert on my singleness.

At the age of 32 I didn’t think that I would be where I am now, my ten year plan didn’t look like this, by now I should be married with two children, a house in the Caribbean and my own business. One year I was certain that God told me I would meet my husband that particular year. Now I’m not one of those Christians who throw around the ‘God said…’ cliché flippantly…but I was so sure.  It never happened and I began to question whether I heard God at all. Maybe I wanted it so badly that I imagined it? Or maybe God changed his mind? All of these questions and more played through my mind and I started to believe that I was the problem, what was wrong with me? There was/is nothing wrong with me or you! I’ve learnt that singleness is not a curse unless you let it be.

I used to pray: “Lord if it’s not your desire for me to be married, fine, then please take away the desire so I can focus on serving you wholeheartedly’. What a great, spiritual prayer right? Although sincere it was bogus! This was my attempt to find an escape route from the pain; I just didn’t want to be lonely or single anymore. Now, I know the Bible scriptures that talk about ‘two is better than one’ and ‘it is not good for man to be alone’; I am 32, Christian and single not 32, illiterate and single; I would guess that many Christian, single women know these scriptures and agree, that’s why we want to be married!  I am not looking for a boyfriend, I am ‘actively waiting’ on God for my husband by living and loving life while learning and deepening my relationship with God and myself.

This is how I manage myself now, although this is not an exhaustive list:

I am ruthlessly honest with God about how I feel;

I protect my time and I’m intentional about what I do with it and where I go, I do things that I love often;

I focus on my passions: Missions and women, and anything else that fuels those passions;

I spend time with both my single and married friends as often as possible (or as often as married friends allow);

I pray for my husband;

I dress for where I’m going; I am preparing myself now for where I want to be, asking myself questions like: what have I got to offer to a marriage?

I’m not saying that because I do these things I never feel lonely or that the desire to be married suddenly disappears, I’m saying that we have to be intentional with our lives as we wait.

To all my single ladies and guys enjoy, embrace and be content with where you are. Being single is not a death sentence it can be an awesome adventure if you WANT it to be. Change your mind, change your life!

Happy Valentine’s Day!