32, Christian and Single
Yep, this is me, this isn’t the core of who I am, but it’s a huge part that describes my current reality. Do I like this reality? Sometimes, but for the most part no, to be totally honest for the most part I hate my current status (except the Christian part of course). However, it is my reality and one that I am learning to manage. Let’s get something clear from the get go, yes, I want to be married and no, I haven’t been intentionally looking… ‘Well how do you expect to find a husband then?’ – I don’t expect to find anything. The Bible says ‘He that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favour from the Lord’…I am the prize; it is not my responsibility to search. This doesn’t mean that I’m just chilling at home twiddling my thumbs, or that I’m not aware of who’s around me; I am very aware of my surroundings, I just refuse to act thirsty – that is not attractive. I truly believe that if a man is interested in you he will do whatever it takes to make his intentions CLEAR and pursue. I might look 10 years younger than I am (Black don’t crack), but I am too old for games and at this point in my life I know exactly who I want to find me and no I will not be sharing that info in this blog 🙂
I hope that my journey helps you to make some positive decisions, take your focus off yourself and realise that as great as marriage is, it’s not the be all and end all of you. I will not be giving any tips on what YOU should do, I will not patronise you or your capability to find out what works for you, but I will say be honest with yourself. I am not speaking on behalf of all Christian, single women; I can only share what has worked and is working for me. I really don’t think you need another 10 step process on how to cope with being single; I am not an expert on this subject I am only an expert on my singleness.
At the age of 32 I didn’t think that I would be where I am now, my ten year plan didn’t look like this, by now I should be married with two children, a house in the Caribbean and my own business. One year I was certain that God told me I would meet my husband that particular year. Now I’m not one of those Christians who throw around the ‘God said…’ cliché flippantly…but I was so sure. It never happened and I began to question whether I heard God at all. Maybe I wanted it so badly that I imagined it? Or maybe God changed his mind? All of these questions and more played through my mind and I started to believe that I was the problem, what was wrong with me? There was/is nothing wrong with me or you! I’ve learnt that singleness is not a curse unless you let it be.
I used to pray: “Lord if it’s not your desire for me to be married, fine, then please take away the desire so I can focus on serving you wholeheartedly’. What a great, spiritual prayer right? Although sincere it was bogus! This was my attempt to find an escape route from the pain; I just didn’t want to be lonely or single anymore. Now, I know the Bible scriptures that talk about ‘two is better than one’ and ‘it is not good for man to be alone’; I am 32, Christian and single not 32, illiterate and single; I would guess that many Christian, single women know these scriptures and agree, that’s why we want to be married! I am not looking for a boyfriend, I am ‘actively waiting’ on God for my husband by living and loving life while learning and deepening my relationship with God and myself.
This is how I manage myself now, although this is not an exhaustive list:
I am ruthlessly honest with God about how I feel;
I protect my time and I’m intentional about what I do with it and where I go, I do things that I love often;
I focus on my passions: Missions and women, and anything else that fuels those passions;
I spend time with both my single and married friends as often as possible (or as often as married friends allow);
I pray for my husband;
I dress for where I’m going; I am preparing myself now for where I want to be, asking myself questions like: what have I got to offer to a marriage?
I’m not saying that because I do these things I never feel lonely or that the desire to be married suddenly disappears, I’m saying that we have to be intentional with our lives as we wait.
To all my single ladies and guys enjoy, embrace and be content with where you are. Being single is not a death sentence it can be an awesome adventure if you WANT it to be. Change your mind, change your life!
Happy Valentine’s Day!